The Beard Bunker

“Doc Basha finking log, waaargh date… err.. lots. Da boss Uluruk and 'is bestest beastboss, Bozzgak, are getting fed up. Not wiv da bloaty squig belly, which is my die-ig-nose-sis of eating too many squigs. Dey fink dat there is too many Pansies, Beakies, Tinboyz, and, Mork forbid, Bloodaxes around 'ere. Dey reckon itz about time sum proper Orks showed ya how itz dun. Well, I fink I spotted some Goffs , dey r almost proper Orks, if dey wasn’t so boring. Dey just bang on about dat metal stuff. Not enough spinny hed squigs being chucked around amungst dat lot. Dey should get back to da proper ways. Right, dis finky log is getting boring. Where is Nurse Skrachit got to, stoopid runt, it’s surgurree time. One of Deez beastsnagga boyz needz a new leg after da numpty lost it to a hog. Just can’t get da boyz deez days.” Right, enough chat from the Doc. Maisey is back! After a long hobby hiatus caused by Real Life shenanigans, I'm finally back on the hobby wagon. What better way t

Years ago, when I worked in Oxford's Warhammer shop, I would regularly advise people that they really shouldn't feel obligated to paint the whole army to their best possible standard. It takes ages, and a perfectly fine paint job is 100% better than an incomplete high-end paint job you've burned out on. So naturally, years later, I find myself beavering away at the exact thing I told people not to do, and never has this been more masochistic than when painting heavy intercessors. I did, however, like the idea of having some basic troops in heavier gear for boarding actions and similarly claustrophobic encounters. Thus: no choice but to knuckle down for a month. Side note: this sort of slow pace is simply dreadful for regular blog content. a month's worth of highlighting Now the quickest way to speed things up is to weather the bejesus out of their MANY-EDGED DISCO BOOTIES to conceal a lack of highlighting. Naturally, I went into autopilot and highlighted them anyway, an

Back in 8th edition I got back into 40k after a bit of a break, and built myself an Ork army.  I wrote about it here .  When 9th came out and brought with it Crusade, I started with Raven Guard, but eventually I wanted to pick up a non-Imperial Crusade army to play against Imperial armies such as Charlie’s Cobalt Scions .  When the Ork Codex dropped full of Crusade goodness, I knew it was time to dust of Da Ork Airforce and bring Da Two Worlds Waaagh! To the Eridani Sector . A Blood Axe army vaguely themed towards WW2 with an emphasis on aircraft.  The core of the army is a large mob of choppa boyz (Da Paras) that I often deep strike (using the Tellyporta stratagem, but instead of teleporting I flavour it as them parachuting out of da Orkules), a mob of shoota boyz for holding objectives (Da Guard) and a mob of Kommandoes (Bravo Toof Zero) to take and hold forward objectives.  Fire support is provided by aircraft and mek guns.   Getting Legal First up, the rules on what wargear Nobz co

There are plenty of places where one might draw an arbitrary line in the sands of realism with Warhammer 40K. Apparently one of my lines is bikes with fixed weapons and zero ground clearance. Indeed with the exception of the Storm Speeder, most of the Primaris fast attack options don't do it for me for one reason or another… And that's how I got over 2,500 points into a marine army without painting a single fast attack unit. I did paint a Stormtalon, which is effectively fast attack, but still. Not exactly the paragon of Ultramarian flexibility. I don't hate the stock kit, indeed I quite like the ridiculously en-chonkened Akira lads, but those things would've looked completely ridiculous on my moorland basing scheme. And then along came @scriv_paints on Instagram with his beautiful Raven Guard grav bikes. Now these, these I can see being more useful. There are a few grav bike conversion kits knocking around, but to my eye these do the best job of applying the modern

 When the Bladeguard arrived, I was smitten.  They really are incredibly lovely models.  The initial Indomitus easy-build release was good, but the multipart kit was even better.  But they’re not exactly very “Raven Guard”.  So I spent quite a while imagining how I could fit them into my army. I had some pretty... imaginative ideas; at one point I was considering covering the shields in dirt and grass so the Bladeguard could hide in pits and use their shields to disguise them in the style of the Viet Cong , or Robin Hood’s Merry Men .   As I got deep into the schemes, I realised the ideas I was having for “Raven Guard with shields” had diverged completely from the actual models I loved so much.  How to sensibly resolve this contradiction?  Do both!  Please don’t read my articles for the advice of a rational person with self control. Bladeguard Squad Estavo The one thing I didn’t love about the kit was the shields.  Too much bling for my taste, and fairly generic bling at that.  So I m

Painting regiments for Warhammer Fantasy Battle is quite a commitment. Consequently, when playing a narrative campaign in which there are multiple regiments running around the campaign map, it's impractical to paint a whole block of 20-35 miniatures for every regiment in the story. So I cheat. How? By painting extra command groups to swap in to a regiment. I've now done this twice: for my handgunners (now either the Schillings or the Powderkegs) and, as of this week, my greatswords. Drew and I (and even Jon, a bit!) gathered around a painting table to add not just the command group, but another 8 regular lads to bump the unit up to 28. Regiment: The Count's Own Captain Rike Ludenhof is the daughter and heir of Count Aldebrand Ludenhof. After returning to Hochland after graduating from the University of Altdorf, she founded the Count’s Own since she felt an Elector Count should have a proper bodyguard, and that said bodyguard would need to get some battlefield experience if