The Beard Bunker

A simple little guide for taking relatively good quality photos of your minis with minimal effort and resources.  This isn’t a guide for photography experts, it’s for anyone and everyone using only things you already have in your home (eat your heart out Blue Peter). Things you will need: A few sheets of plain paper Your model painting lamp A moderately decent phone or digital camera A computer Why? Why bother to take photos?  Well, we all live online these days and sharing photos with your friends (and/or followers?) is a great little source of micro-endorphins, and the desire for those is a great motivator to get models finished.  Personally I’m not on Instagram or whatever, so I just share photos with my friends on WhatsApp. Model backdrop First thing to set up it your backdrop.  I use a few sheets of plain white printer paper (multiple sheets because one sheet is a little too transparent).  Plain black paper is often better, depending on the colours of the m...

When Krug was a young ork, a runtherd took him into Mek City to see the Goff Parade. He said, "Krug, when you grow up, will you be a really fighty Goff boy, a killer of our foes?" Krug said, "Yeah course." "Good lad." 'Parade' was doing some heavy lifting, as words go. Mostly it was a bunch of Stormboy yoofs marching down the road in lines in their silly polished boots, with onlooking orks lobbing stuff at them to see how distractible they were. But the best bit of the whole thing, as far as young Krug was concerned, was the energy of so many orks in one place. He'd come out of the ground way out beyond Vulcha Cliffs. There weren't a whole lot of ladz out that way. Being here, in the city, filled him with something. Something that needed to get out. And it did. Legend has it that Krug spontaneously vomited so much green energy out of his mouth that it torched a whole mob of Stormboyz, which inevitably prompted their mates to come over with ...

Humies have a sayin': home is where da art iz. Dey're right, coz if yoo don't paint yor favourite glyphs all over your home, how will anyone know it's yors? Today's post is all about painting your own tetanus shacks for your orks, and doing it quickly. I've been using the fundaments of this technique for over 15 years, but recently iterated on it by adding a mix of rattle cans to the preparatory process for even greater speed and, I think, an improvement in quality. The result is a giant pile of old rusty metal with a few pops of colour. Harvey and I painted a full set of the Kill Team: Octarius terrain in an evening, for a total of about 6-8 man hours. Priming This wants to be in a dark brown. My preference is Colour Forge's Hyrax Brown. Rattle rattle spurt spurt Here's where you want variety, at least an orange and then a mid-brown (i.e. not too dark or light, but... mid). Orange: Colour Forge's Convict Orange Mid-brown: I used Citadel's old M...

“What's this?” Sirrus Bizniz asked the nervous-looking mek. Of course, Sirrus knew perfectly well what it was: it was a battlewagon. A big pile of armour on wheels and tracks, designed to transport orks too wimpy for a traditional charge. Sirrus liked his enemies to see him coming. He liked seeing the fear in their eyes as he got closer. The question was not what the battlewagon was, the question was how the mek would try and sell him on an idea that didn't mesh with his Klassik Goff vision for the Metalwaaagh. “Tour bus,” said Zibbitt. This was, to be fair, a pretty strong opening. “Just for transport between battles. We made it big and tough to show that you is the boss.” This was clearly rehearsed. Bignooz had put Zibbitt up to this in case it didn't go down well. It was satisfyingly chunky, and the black paint job was pretty dread, but it felt wrong to see something so big look so toothless. “Needs dakka,” Sirrus said eventually. Zibbitt’s brows furrowed. “You want to ...

Mantearer (also spelt Manteara) were playing brutal rokk long before Sirrus Bizniz ever popularised the genre on Boff's Rok , slamming away at their instruments in bars full of orks too keen on getting drunk to realise they were in the presence of greatness. Lead gittarist 'Toofbag' Torgrum eventually took the initiative and took to smashing his gittar over the heads of anyone who wasn't listening during their sets. This kind of violence was met with a mixed response, ranging from 'vaguely amused' to 'extremely keen,' and led to Mantearer gaining a reputation for the most brutal mosh pits in da Scene. Toofbag's propensity to start fights with everyone meant that the band soon had to invest in armour just to get through the opening songs, which in turn resulted in ever larger objects being thrown at them. Mantearer soon found themselves in a harms race, which they ultimately won when Sirrus Bizniz helped them surge in popularity to the extent that th...

  "Ol' Yellatoof and his squighog boyz are a tuff bunch. Dey 'ave to be to get one of dem squighogs to mostly do wot dey want dem to do. Those gitz also 'ave to be tough enough to deal wit me and me bioniks after dey get chomped on by dem squigs. Oh, and dey are pretty good in a scrap as well"  - Doc Basha on Yellatoof Yellatoof and his squig, Daisy The Orks were painted in the standard  manner The undersides were a dry brush of Zandri Dust, Screaming Skull, and Pallid Wych Flesh over the brown undercoat. The top sides were Mephiston Red, Evil Sunz Scarlet, and Wildrider Red. I added a little Bugman's Glow around the lips. The tongues got a basecoat of Khorne Red with a wash of Druchii Violet The eyes were picked out in yellow and the teef in Rakarth Flesh, Agrax Earthshade Wash, and highlighted with Pallid Wych Flesh. The most important boy The whole gang These guys came together real fast and where a blast to paint. I've got another box as reinforcements...

"Oh, dat is da Weirdboy. Weez call 'im Waxing Gibbous. 'cuz 'eez a few moons short of a planet. Yooz iz best off leavn' 'im well alone. Only da Wildboyz 'ang around wit 'im. Dey ain't all there either. Da 'hole lotta dem are off in da woods, on da 'shrooms, howling at da moon." - Doc Basha on Waxing Gibbous I really do enjoy the Weirdboy, as a concept, and because of the sheer exuberance of the models available. This one is from the AoS range and is simply my favourite of the lot. It is a wonderful sculpt, from the concept, to the pose, and to the details. An absolutely great model. I had contemplated just painting this model for the joy of it but once I had started an Ork project I knew this was going to be my Weirdboy. I'm not sure how we arrived at the name Waxing Gibbous, it was one of those conversations that bounce around a bit, but I think it is a great fit for this delightfully mad model. Painting was easier than it might ...

"So, you wanna know about dat Boss do you, runts? Well, grab me a grog, shuddap, and listen.  Uluruk Nurdkrumpa iz kunnin' but brutal. Da Boss 'az always kept 'iz eyez and earz open. Boss don't talk much but 'ez always watching for the right moment to krump anyone who getz in 'iz way of being da Boss. Make 'im boring at da squig roasts, not one for jokes or anyfink like dat, but 'ez keeps da boyz in line and finds some good scraps. So 'ez alright by me.  Da Boss knows which of da boyz dat he can trust. Beh Moff is da most trustworthy of 'iz Nobz. Mostly because Beh Moff ain't got much going on in dat hed of 'iz. A long as 'ez gots grog and lotz of good fights 'ez an 'appy boy. Beh Moff iz pretty good at doing wot da boss tells 'im and dat is mostly to go smash stuff. Beh Moff don't care wot it iz, just as long as it krumps good. Oh, and don't mess wiv 'da Boss' squig, Gobbit. Boss loves dat squig. No i...