The Beard Bunker

An 80th birthday present is not be the realm of book tokens or a pack of socks. With my mother reaching this milestone last year, and my father getting there this month, it seemed apt to go at least somewhat further. Making something felt more meaningful to me than an acquisition. But what to make? Then I hit upon the notion of making something for each of them that would symbolise what they'd chosen to do with their lives. Today's post will be about the process of making them. It's not exactly our usual content, but hopefully you'll enjoy the diversion. So, Mum's present first. She has been known to enjoy painting (this is an understatement) and has spent much of her life appreciating and aiding wildlife, so a painting representing that in some way felt right. However, to keep things a bit comedy (and within my skillset) I decided I would make the painting preposterously tiny, requiring a level of detail and precision entirely at odds with her preference for looser...

Bladeguard Veterans have a very particular aesthetic, and that aesthetic looks a whole lot more medieval than the rest of my Cobalt Scions force. This led me to have a bit of a think about how they fit in. Regular readers will already have learned that when I say "a bit of a think" this generally means "Charlie's written a load of new lore." Today, then, I offer you three things: Pictures. The death of an Astartes Chapter. Notes on the Heraldry I've chosen. The Nova Tarentis Massacre A prosperous world of significant agricultural and mineral output, Nova Tarentis was crucial to trade within its area of the Segmentum Pacificus, and an obvious target for the archenemy. Traitor Guard and Dark Mechanicum forces attacked in strength, and pleas for aid were made. Keen to end the invasion quickly, the full Azure Drakes chapter responded, along with four companies of Cobalt Scions in support. The Drakes' Chapter Master Sorkhos Danithor committed to a full orbita...

Ancient Aulus Acastian, Cobalt Scions 3rd Company As soon as I saw the Ancient in the Indomitus box, I realised how much I wanted... the Ancient from Dark Imperium. The monkish vibe of the new dude is amazing for Dark Angels or Black Templars or any of those medieval aesthetic dudes, but thematically feels way off the mark for my army. Since there's no standalone Ancient kit and Dark Imperium is now OOP I hit up eBay and got my mits on this wee fella.

I was recently invited to write something for the gloriously named Goonhammer.com, specifically their  How to Paint Everything  series. Humbled, I frantically attempted to think of something worth writing while simultaneously mastering the shock enough to avoid pooping an actual live kitten. The most obvious gap in their archive was freehand technique, so I teamed up with one of Goonhammer's founders, Rob "TheChirurgeon" Jones and set about creating what is essentially a compendium of various Beard Bunker articles I've written over the years. It was oddly satisfying to draw all those disparate tutorials into one place and to end up with a reasonably comprehensive primer on how to paint your own freehand designs. If you're curious, then here you are: How to Paint Everything: Freehand Image credit: Rob 'The Chirurgeon' Jones, goonhammer.com

In the extremely blue corner, weighing in at over thirty tons, the Megachonker himself, Gaius Atalus (deceased)! He's only got one hand but don't let that fool you, he's a 4th dan black belt in Fiddlercrabnojutsu.

Being a renowned glutton for punishment, I recently put myself in the position of having to freehand twelve names onto some Battlefleet Gothic ships. Why did I have so many at once? Because we're in the run-up to the finale of the Scyrian Expanse campaign , and the Imperial Navy's flotilla needed serious reinforcements. Such blank. Many base. The first hurdle, of course, was to come up with names for all twelve ships. Even the escorts. They might be puny so far as the game is concerned, but naming them makes it mildly harder for the players to get callous about casualties, and improves immersion. Bemoaning said lack of names to Curis , he suggested a few, including: Hepatitus Alpha Alphaherpes Aedidas Traksuet Aeileen Comon Feel free to use those gems for your own ships/tanks/three door hatchbacks. Personally I resisted the temptation, and chose... others . Having picked my names (most of them mercifully short) I got stuck in. Freehand...

My love of the Olde Worlde has been rejuvinated thanks largely to Total War: Warhammer. I maintain they should have called it  Total Warhammer , thus providing both a shorter title and a playground insult, i.e. "Jamie stole my biscuits and he peed in Archie's orange juice. Archie says he's a total warhammer."  Before I get on with today's actual post, here's a flash review of Total Warhammer : it's an imaginatively faithful adaptation whose only misstep is to follow GW's suggestion of occasionally replacing a mountain with a giant stone skull. In every other respect it's fun and well-paced, and surprisingly tasteful compared to some other GW adaptations. Anyway, I mention all this because I enjoyed Total Warhammer so much that it gave me the urge to paint more state troops of the Empire. This had the added advantage of clearing something out of my overpopulated WIP tray. And so without further ado, here are the Heedenhof Greenleaves: ...

Ahhhh yeahhhh, my Hochland army finally has a battle standard bearer. It’s amazing how many different meanings some words have in the English language, considering that we also have more actual words than most European languages. For instance, the standard standard of my standards is one of fairly elaborate designs (see here , here and here ) but this time, I wanted to keep things simple. This is the flag of Hochland, not the quirky iconography of a specific regiment. Also, it was only after I’d started painting that it occurred to me that Hochland literally has the Swiss flag , but whatever. Cheese, chocolate and mountains are all excellent things. Now unlike most battle standard bearers, I wanted Captain Thiele here to be usable with or without the banner so that she could be used as either the army's general or its ensign. To that end, the banner simply slots into a very snug hole in the base, and can be replaced with a rock on a stick. Yes really: ...

Holy bum grapes, the Beard Bunker is now one year old. And it’s 2013. That sounds suspiciously like the future. An awesome-yet-nightmarish future in which there are only six weeks to go before the Beard Bunker’s long-awaited campaign . Now that the fog of the winter party season is lifting, I should probably survey the damage... [Charlie]: What ho, Bunker Machine Spirit! Give me a status report. [BMS]: PROCESSING_ [BMS]: PROCESSING_ [BMS]: PROCESSING_ [BMS]: PROCESSING_COMPLETE [BMS]: EGO STATUS: -1 [BMS]: CAMPAIGN ARMY READINESS RATING: -46 [Charlie]: The campaign readiness rating is fair enough, but... ego status is at minus one? Why? [BMS]: You played John again. Apparently you have blanked it out. [Charlie]: What? Why would I blank out a game with an entertaining opponent like John? [BMS]: May I remind you of what happened last time ? [Charlie]: Something about un-killable midgets on a train? [BMS]: Something like that. [Charlie]: S...

For those of you who didn’t know, I really, really enjoy painting freehand banners. Here’s one I painted earlier: People tend to have two responses to a reasonably well-painted bit of freehand: “Ooh, shiny,” or “I can’t do that. You’re clearly a mutant. I mean... it doesn’t seem physically possible.” There is some discussion as to the best way to follow up on the latter response, although many plump for raising their fists to the sky, shouting, “Curse ye gods for my untalented fingers!” before sundering their brush across their knee and leaving for a temple in the mountains. It may therefore surprise the budding banner painter that freehand isn’t a mystical art that requires you to have been born under the moon as it waned gibbous. You just need a pair of eyes and the ability to measure stuff. Obviously, artistic talent definitely helps , but if you’re a decent miniatures painter who still struggles with freehand, chances are you already have the skills you need, but lac...