The Beard Bunker

There is a weird piece of music playing in my head, it's Ride of the Valkyries playing on a piano accordian. Why? Because of this: This is a mental contraption, a Dwarf Gyrocopter. It is essentially a wooden and canvas helicopter powered by a steam engine? Physics? Go hide in the corner and cry, for once I don't care. It's cool. These things are used by the Dwarfs for carrying messages between the holds and for recconnaissance. Its such a perfect choice for this army (essentially crusading across the Empire) so it had to be done. Plus they're evil in this version of the rules. The majority of the painting techniques used have been mentioned before so just a quick run down. All of the woodwork is my Steel Legion Drab with Rakarth Flesh highlights and Agrax Earthshade wash. I decided to keep the canvas sections very simple. Mostly the Stormbourne blue I've used before with just a few bone white sections. The studio one, by contast, is just awful. Its rare

I always assumed I’d lost the first model I ever painted, but two days ago, whilst clearing out some junk in my parents’ house, I chanced upon an old, battered GW box. What should I find inside? The best goram paint job you’ve ever seen, that’s what. Feast your eyes on this beauty: i PAINTtED ThIS! In my thirteen-year-old mind, that was a badass colour scheme. Nothing says ‘dangerous’ or ‘the 90s’ like a bright red boltgun. And caked-on paint. And a Goblin Green base. And... whatever that stuff is on said base. Why do I bring this up? Well, other than pure comedy value, because a lot of hobbyists come to the conclusion that they’re rubbish at painting, and will never get any better. This post, therefore, is here to reassure you that even reasonably competent painters like me were once utterly crap. Come with me now, on a journey through time and space, to the world of my teenage failures...

Hurrah, huzzah, jump up and down, bang trumpets and blow drums, or whatever. I have completed the first 2000 points of my Dwarfs. The units that finished this first stage of the marathon were a stone thrower (just cannot bring myself to call it a grudge thrower, that's one step away from a Mystery Men weapon) and a mob of Dwarf Warriors. Lets start with the war engine, everyone likes war engines: But wait! I hear you cry, that's no ordinary Dwarf stone thrower! And indeed it isn't, this is a converted (mildly) Bretonnian Trebuchet - or Tree bucket if your french pronounciation isn't up to the job. Why am I using a Bretonnian Trebuchet as a Dwarf Stone Thrower, I hear you ask? Because this is the current GW one: image copyright Games Workshop. used for illustrative purposes only. Lets leave aside for a moment the idiocy of a battlefield - i.e. portable - war engine made of solid steel. Actually, lets not. Steel has a density of about 7.8g/cm 3 whereas Oak h

Hello happy bunker dwellers! First of all, bonus points if you identified the oblique title reference, it is the subject of todays post*. Yes the Slayers are finished! Hurrah! I really think painting them in lumps has been the best policy for this little lot for a number of reasons. First, it has meant that I've been able to lavish the care they deserved on them. Second, serendipitously (totally a word) I have used a slightly different mix/method for the hair in each case meaning that while there is the appropriate sea of orange there are enough differences in tone to make it feel a touch more natural. These are the motly crew that finished the unit. As a result of my cherry picking my favourite Dwarfs it means that the unit contains a special character and a hero choice masquerading as normal slayers: Yup, that's a Dragon Slayer on the left and the nakedest Dwarf in Christendom - Garagrim Ironfist - on the right. Oh, and I'm not kidding about Garagrim, he i

 Greetings to one and all. Last time on the ever growing saga of Dwarfkind that comprise my posts I showed off the Hammerers. Today, it is the turn of their Lord and Master, the tragic figure of Lord Hafnir Stormborne. This figure is a sort of "cut-and-shut" between two Dwarf lords, the shieldbearers of the King Alrik model and the taciturn fellow you see standing up there now. I love this Dwarf lord. Just standing there, surly, patient, waiting for a target to present itself rather than racing into battle like a manling. I used a few tricks with him to make him appear older and more tired than the other greybeards in the army. Hafnir is the head of a disgraced household and the reponsibilities and obligations that brings tear at him (I'll do a full backstory post soon, finally found a "voice" to tell it in). The tricks are fairly easy, a thin purple wash into the eyesockets robbing him of sleep and adding pale grey to the final skin highlights rather

Yeah, I know, the title was inevitable. It mugged my forebrain, took control of my typing fingers and forced me to do it's bidding. Why was the title inevitable? Because the Hammerer's are finished! These are some of the hardest troops in the Dwarf army. At WS 5 and with a base strength of 4, rising to 6 with the great weapons they tear through most things that the Warhammer world has to offer. Their heavy armoured, toughness 4 torsos can certainly soak the damage too and with the shields I bought them they have a 50:50 chance of ignoring most missile fire on the way in. Add a lord and these chaps also become stubborn. Dayum. The downside is that they are not cheap. 277 Points for the unit you see above. You have to win combats on wounds caused as you aren't ever going to be outnumbering the foe - unless they're Ogres, or Chaos I guess. I've kept the shields fairly plain and utilitarian, much like the thunderers' shield fence. Most of the Hammerers a

Well folks, that is it, the Geek Week is over and time to inspect the spoils of the final days, first, I'll take a squint at my Dwarfs: As mentioned last time, I was rewarding myself with a Bolt Thrower. I'm really chuffed with figuring out a new wood method: Steel Legion Drab with Rakarth Flesh woodgrain all bound together with Agrax Earthshade wash. I don't hold with this new idea of Dwarfs only using metal. Kinda daft. Also in the vein of rewarding myself for a week of solid painting I thought I would add another rank of Slayers to the unit. These five are the pirate slayers to give them their nautical feel. Long Drong the pirate slayer captain will be the Giant Slayer of the unit and deserves a slightly closer look. Gotta love that Macaw on the shoulder, all the colours just balance the beard so, so nicely. Check real world references when painting animals as you will always, always forget important details. And finally, the first hero for the Dwarfs

Shirley : Flatulence; moderate, gusting good. Jeff: Well, the festival of sweat-shop style painting, dubious humour and ill-advised dietary intake that we know as Geek Week continues. Maisey and I are still churning out models at our usual rate, and Charlie is doing something complicated with green stuff and optimism that he assures us will yield awesomeness any time now. So, on with the show; my Dwarfs have had a major boost to their numbers as the Ancient Mariners - Longbeard Warriors - are finished: I'm using the newer plastics as the Longbeards because, well, they've got longer beards. The older models look younger (go figure) so they will be the warriors. Sharp-eyed readers may well be wondering, "why the hell there is a kraken on the banner?" Well, the army is from Barak Varr - the Dwarf seaport - and the family in question are former shipping magnates. Thus I am using plenty of nautical imagery along with the sea green and foam white colour scheme to h

Junk food! Filthy humour! Headache-inducing bouts of laughter! Geek Week is here, and we've got the pretty pictures to prove it. As I type this, the Beard Bunker's painting table looks like a cross between a sweatshop and the zombie apocalypse. I'll let Maisey explain why later on. The experience is as enjoyable and as humiliating as I expected it to be. So far, Maisey's painted 25 skeletons, based 20 zombies, and painted another thirty. Jeff's produced a unit of sixteen deeply charming Thunderers. And what have I got to show for myself? A finished volley gun that was already half-done when the week started. So. Frakking. Slow. In my (limp) defence, I've also mostly painted five handgunners and done some sculpting on Amelia (more on that project later in the week), but for now, here's a picture of the army's Helblaster: As with much of my stuff, I've tried to model the crew in such a way that you get a sense of their character. T